one might say we're banned from that church
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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