Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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