That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize