I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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