Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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