You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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