I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize