my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize