thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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