Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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