Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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