A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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