Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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