Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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