Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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