I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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