He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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