Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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