i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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