a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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