saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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