Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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