so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize