Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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