It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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