That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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