On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize