i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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