saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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