I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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