I wish I only lived at night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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