i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize