yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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