Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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