I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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