Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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