how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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