Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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