its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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