I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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