Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think your dad took our porno
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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