just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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