do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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