i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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