Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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