I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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