new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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