i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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