Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize