there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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